Nog geen vijf uur geleden was ik bij een sollicitatiegesprek.
Daar ging het heel even niet meer over mij als persoon. Mijn persoonlijkheid werd in de tijdsgeest geplaatst. Mijn gedrag zou karakteristiek zijn voor mijn generatie. Zoals de interviewer mooi zei tegen mij: ‘Het is niet anders dan normaal, je bent deel van een generatie die oplossingen aankaart en vooruitstrevend is.’
Natuurlijk was mijn antwoord daarop overtuigend geknik.
In mijn hoofd was het een ander verhaal. In mijn hoofd was ik het niet geheel met haar eens. Buiten mijn hoofd was het vooral belangrijk nog uit te stralen dat ik het met haar eens was.
Ik zat daar natuurlijk om aangenomen te worden. Niet om opstandig te zijn. In mijn hoofd was er wel verzet tegen de uitspraak.
Ik dacht namelijk aan hoe alle generaties voor mij altijd de volgende generatie naar voren hebben gedreven. Die opmerking van haar gaat namelijk op voor elke generatie. Als het niet kenmerkend was voor de mens om vooruit te streven dan waren we nu niet zo ver gevorderd als soort. Dan hadden we geen beschavingen gebouwd. Dan waren we niet van spijkerschriften gegaan naar boekdrukkunsten. Waren we niet van het wiel naar de elektrische auto gegaan. Of op de maan geweest.
Het verschil tussen de generaties voor die van mij en die van mij is de afstomping. Of misschien moet ik nu niet meer spreken voor mijn generatie en is dit kenmerkend voor alleen mij. Mijn gebrek aan enthousiasme. Ik kan me nergens meer over verbazen. Ik heb zo veel veranderingen meegemaakt dat ik het ben gaan zien als de norm. Wil je mij nog verbazen, dan moet je met iets komen wat niet veranderd is in de afgelopen 20 jaar. Naar mijn gevoel ben ik namelijk niet zo zeer vooruitstrevend als dat ik vooruit word getrokken door de technologie. En zeker ook afhankelijk er van ben. Ik draag niet bij aan grote veranderingen. Ik creëer geen blauwdrukken op technologisch gebied. Nee, ik zit in een heel ander spectrum. Ik vecht tegen de vooruitgang. Ik ben niet vooruitstrevend. Ik wil juist het tempo er uit halen.
Het gaat me allemaal te snel en ik ben daar niet de enige in. Dat durf ik wel te zeggen voor heel mijn generatie. Mijn generatie die overkoepeld wordt door de schijn van vooruitgang. De illusie dat elke vorm van verandering innovatie te noemen valt. Elke nieuwe iPhone de volgende generatie noemen slaat nergens op. We zijn een generatie die tien jaar geleden het geduld kon opbrengen om de computer aan te laten voor ze naar school ging om een film te downloaden die 8 uur later nog niet gedownload was wanneer ze terug kwam, maar inmiddels te ongeduldig is om vijf secondes te wachten voor ze een reclame kan overslaan. Velen van ons kennen het geluid nog van de inbelverbinding voor het internet, maar weten wel boos te worden als hun 4G te langzaam is.
Nee, ik vecht tegen deze haast. Waar het kan doe ik niet mee met dit idee van innovatie. De oplossing daarvoor heb ik ook al. Het is simpelweg dat ik mezelf niet laat haasten in het leven. Dus ook nu, vijf uur later, doe ik het rustig aan. Ga ik op mijn eigen tempo door het leven en geniet ik er van als ik even tot een halt word geroepen. Wanneer een ouder persoon aan mij vraagt of ik op het knopje wil drukken bij een verkeerslicht, word ik er weer aan herinnerd dat we moeten blijven gaan en stilstand uit den boze is.
Uiteraard schud ik met mijn hoofd.
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